"Is tomorrow will be like yesterday?"
It's been around 2 months since I last posted. How ironic is it that not posting while it is vacation. I never saw vacation either. It was not fun for me at all. I did not get what I want. Instead, it was hell. There were only too many problems to handle with and, even if I admit it or not, I lost. Yeah, it is frustrating indeed. But what can I do? It is how my life drifted and I never had the control over the accelerator nor the steering wheel.
Those times, I never thought of being wrong, neither being right. I just wanted to be happy. But everything turned out against it. I'm just wanted to be happy but there are really persons who distorted my wishes and made me snap out of it. I tried to fight for it. I instantly lost, and, became the bad guy. It really is not fun.
My second year in high school ended. And I'm already in my third year. I really think it is just the same. Ironically, it really has a different environment since majority of the persons in the same box as I am, is a stranger to me. Including our mentors, including our adviser, including myself. I found myself in a different dimension as compared from before. Subjects is not as easy nor is not hard as it seems ( I guess ). Classmates are not hard to be with ( I'm not sure about the others ). Personal life is not being taken to the next level, since I am facing new combinations and patterns of attitudes and lookout through life.
Back during the 2 months of my absence. It almost changed everything in me. Including my life. I feel like I can't stand for myself. I am helpless with myself. I know there are some people trying to help me. But I guess, I really can not help myself even by using their help. They tried every way to help me. I don't know how to respond. What I want them to accept in me is to be happy where I am happy. I can't take it anymore. The more I get happy, the more they get mad at me. I fought for my happiness. I lost. I defended myself. I still lost. I pushed them to accept me. I lost, lost, lost, and lost. I can't help it anymore. Damn.
Right now, I am listening to Sponge Cola's A Tear from their self-titled album, Sponge Cola ( but also available in their Extended Play ). It somehow summarizes what am I feeling. Even if Neon is my life's song, I still like this very much. It talks about the presence of a certain person and suddenly lost, trying to be happy, looking for someone, and the greatest part, being ignored even in the time that the person needs an attention to anyone especially from the most important ones. It sounds pessimist, but as pessimist that it seems. The person is just asking for an attention that no one could give.
For this blog, as you can see, I tried a new way of posting my works. I'm already sucked with the old way. I need to change and be matured enough for the outlook of myself. I can't stick forever to those childish things forever. I must go and find another way for living. A way to fill my stomach and my pocket reasonably. I know I sound funny and immatured, but I just want to express my thoughts. I apologize if someone is getting me on their nerves and I want to thank everyone who helped me, especially Henrianne ( my girlfriend ) who keeps me optimistic and helping me to be what I wanted.
'Till next time. Thanks. For anything you want tosay, just leave a comment. Even though the bill is not passed yet, I accept and respect the right to reply bill already.
Those times, I never thought of being wrong, neither being right. I just wanted to be happy. But everything turned out against it. I'm just wanted to be happy but there are really persons who distorted my wishes and made me snap out of it. I tried to fight for it. I instantly lost, and, became the bad guy. It really is not fun.
My second year in high school ended. And I'm already in my third year. I really think it is just the same. Ironically, it really has a different environment since majority of the persons in the same box as I am, is a stranger to me. Including our mentors, including our adviser, including myself. I found myself in a different dimension as compared from before. Subjects is not as easy nor is not hard as it seems ( I guess ). Classmates are not hard to be with ( I'm not sure about the others ). Personal life is not being taken to the next level, since I am facing new combinations and patterns of attitudes and lookout through life.
Back during the 2 months of my absence. It almost changed everything in me. Including my life. I feel like I can't stand for myself. I am helpless with myself. I know there are some people trying to help me. But I guess, I really can not help myself even by using their help. They tried every way to help me. I don't know how to respond. What I want them to accept in me is to be happy where I am happy. I can't take it anymore. The more I get happy, the more they get mad at me. I fought for my happiness. I lost. I defended myself. I still lost. I pushed them to accept me. I lost, lost, lost, and lost. I can't help it anymore. Damn.
Right now, I am listening to Sponge Cola's A Tear from their self-titled album, Sponge Cola ( but also available in their Extended Play ). It somehow summarizes what am I feeling. Even if Neon is my life's song, I still like this very much. It talks about the presence of a certain person and suddenly lost, trying to be happy, looking for someone, and the greatest part, being ignored even in the time that the person needs an attention to anyone especially from the most important ones. It sounds pessimist, but as pessimist that it seems. The person is just asking for an attention that no one could give.
For this blog, as you can see, I tried a new way of posting my works. I'm already sucked with the old way. I need to change and be matured enough for the outlook of myself. I can't stick forever to those childish things forever. I must go and find another way for living. A way to fill my stomach and my pocket reasonably. I know I sound funny and immatured, but I just want to express my thoughts. I apologize if someone is getting me on their nerves and I want to thank everyone who helped me, especially Henrianne ( my girlfriend ) who keeps me optimistic and helping me to be what I wanted.
'Till next time. Thanks. For anything you want tosay, just leave a comment. Even though the bill is not passed yet, I accept and respect the right to reply bill already.
"Alam kong dati ka nang masaya, pero ang problema'y ako, diba?"
-- Itchyworms ( Yokonakitangmakita )
--marc22o8eliyha
